How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
