i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
