i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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