i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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