my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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