I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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