Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to calm my uterus...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
