So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
