So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
