mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
