Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
