My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
