I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
