yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
