Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
do nipples grow back?
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