Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
