you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
