She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
