Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
