how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
