meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
