:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
