i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
