I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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