This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
