Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
