his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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