She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
