If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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