The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
