guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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