Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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