My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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