Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
