The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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