My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
