The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This is not my ceiling
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
