there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
