Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
