cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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