I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
