i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
