thus making me awesome and them whores
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
