I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
