you would pick up someone in the library
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
