I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
