Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
