smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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