i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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