I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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