I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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