Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
