I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
