I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
